Bad Valentine's Pome

Won honorable mention in the Southern Humorists' Yahoo Group 2008 BAD Valentine's Love Pome (sic) contest. Without even a bribe to the judge, or a flash of boob.

(Sung to the tune of The Beverly Hilbillies theme)


Come and listen to my story bout my boyfriend Joe
A feller you can't trust any farther than you throw
When we first met I believed his love was true
But all that got me was a pot of the Blue
(Ointment, that is. Rub it on. OOOH that stings)

Well the next thing ya know I showed him the door
Then he called up talking sweet like the way he did before
I soon found out that he didn't sleep alone
And he brought more than clothes into our happy home
(Gonorrhea, that is. Gift that keeps ON givin. Grrr.)

Now y'all don't worry cause soon we'll be man and wife
Joe will have to be faithful for the rest of his life
Cause the last time that he and I got into a tiff
I didn't sleep alone, and now we have the syph!
(Syphilis, that is. French disease. Don't worry, Joe, I'll take care of you.)